There’s some currently some debate going on in the Catholic Church regarding whether people who are divorced and have remarried without obtaining a Church annulment should receive Holy Communion. I bring this topic up in this forum because it goes to what I am going to term some psychological pushing that creates similar internal pressures as to what I often feel in politics. Let me explain.
Before going further, I should clarify something in the previous paragraph. This debate going on within the Church is really just one or two bishops in Germany (notorious for dissent) and the media. It’s not something that’s going to change. But that doesn’t stop it from being a divisive topic—an online poll at a Catholic dating site I write for asked members this question, and responses are pretty well evenly split. Hence, the psychological pressure that I’m going to deal with.
The teaching of the Catholic Church is simple—marriage is forever and if one divorces and remarries without a Church annulment, that one has broken their vow with God and cannot receive Holy Communion. Sounds harsh. Of course that’s why I’ve been italicizing the part about the annulment. I know people outside the Church just see the whole annulment process as another way for the Church to make money and to those of us who have gone through it, it can seem like one long display of jumping through hoops. But it’s really not.
A Catholic who submits a broken marriage to the review of the annulment tribunal—as I have done—is asking for the Church to consider that the marriage was simply wrong from the beginning. It’s not a case of someone quitting or leaving because their spouse left the cap off the toothpaste for the gazillionth day in a row (to quote a line from the great 1980s sitcom Cheers). And that if it was wrong for the beginning, the contract be null and void.
This is a principle accepted in the legal realm—if, for example, there was fraud, or someone was coerced into signing a contract, then the commitments undertaken in that contract are rendered null. The Catholic Church has several grounds on which one can appeal for an annulment and if the case meets those grounds then one is free to contract another marriage within the Church and receive Holy Communion. We should also note that if one is simply divorced and never remarries, they can go on receiving Holy Communion. It’s the remarriage when the existing marital covenant has yet to be annulled that is the sticking point.
I agree with the Catholic Church’s teaching and practice on this matter, which is the reason that on the day my divorce was finalized, I drove the Archdiocesan office and filed the paperwork to have the annulment process start. I wanted to be free to marry again with a clean conscience, and at the very least, I wanted to know whether my failed marriage had been doomed from the outset. It was.
So what are these pressures I’m referring to? My view of this gets me the classification of “conservative Catholic”. And while political labels are woefully inadequate in describing a 2,000-year-old Church, I suppose its close enough.
Yet there were times in this process when I felt that others who would certainly get the label of conservative Catholic seemed a little on the judgmental side. I can think of three examples off the top of my head—maybe it was something that was said, maybe it was the person who suddenly lost touch with me, maybe it was something I saw written online. The underlying premise was simple—You weren’t man enough. You didn’t take up the Cross. You need to mend your ways. This was never the view of anyone who mattered in the decision-making process within Holy Mother Church herself, but it was a pressure I most definitely felt.
It’s not as though there weren’t others prepared to offer support though—there’s an entire culture out there insisting that the answer to the pain of divorce is to just jump right into the next relationship, get involved and if the Church tells you it’s not yet appropriate to remarry, well then, the Church doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
What happens is enough to leave you feeling trapped in the middle—desiring a full Catholic life, while feeling frozen out of it and the only support being offered by those who often have good intentions, but have advice set to lead you down the garden path of whatever works for me.
How does this apply to politics? The same dynamic is at work here, at least with me. I consider myself a part of the Reagan coalition, as evidenced by the title of this blog. I’ve made it clear in various posts that I do separate myself from the conservative mainstream on a variety of issues and points of emphasis that were summarized in this post, The Blue Pool On A Patch Of Red (it sounds like it should be the title of a crime drama episode)Those issues revolve around labor and economic populist themes.
The pressures within conservatism, particularly one that is embracing more of a hard-core libertarian bent, can pound on me politically in the same way that the cold approach of some in the Church can do it in questions of faith. And just like in matters of faith, there are plenty of left-wing political movements ready to offer aid and comfort to a pro-labor voter—but at the cost of selling out the unborn, of embracing same-sex relationships as normative. To say nothing of issues like defense and judicial nominations, which are not matters of faith, but where my opinion trends conservative.
It’s easy enough to be a Catholic, no matter what. Well, maybe simple is the right word, rather than easy. Just live a sacramental life (Mass & confession), go pick up a Catechism (or read it online) and live according to the Church’s moral precepts. No outside input from any movement is necessary.
Politically, it’s a tougher call. I find myself wondering whether the Reagan coalition is finally disappearing, the Republicans ready to fully return to their corporate roots and conservatives ready to turn the atheist libertarian Ayn Rand into their new idol. Unlike the Catholic Church, no political party has had a Messiah promise that the gates of hell will never prevail against it (maybe some self-proclaimed messiahs, but none with the power to make the promise stick).
I think the old Reagan coalition is still there and just needs the right leader, but I could be wrong. After all, I also think the Democratic Party could see the pro-life movement get a foothold in it, and I thought the Washington Redskins would win the Super Bowl. Being wrong isn’t new to me.
What I do know is this—I want to live a fully Catholic life. And I want my spot in the Reagan coalition, as a modern-day example of the old-style Reagan Democrats. As one who has seen a marriage annulled and on the less serious matters of politics, as one who is pro-labor, there are a lot of temptations to move outside those boundaries. But I’m convinced going outside the boundaries of the Catholic Church will never work, and I doubt going outside the Reagan coalition will.
I know this post kind of meandered a bit. If you did identify with any of this—particularly if you’re a Catholic who has gone through the pain of divorce and is looking for help from a place that won’t confuse compassion with enabling, I highly suggest reaching out to Lisa Duffy, who has twenty years’ experience following her own divorce/annulment in working with other Catholics. If you’re a Reagan Democrat looking to stay at home in the red zone…well, I don’t know what to tell you. Just continue dropping by this blog and maybe we’ll figure it out together.
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